Despite the uneven results, I love that Gore Verbinski has parlayed mega-fame into crafting long, expensive, and decidedly niche studio movies. A nine-hour pirate saga? Sure. A Lone Ranger adaptation starring Johnny Depp as Tonto? Why not? How’s about a horror bouillabaisse of recent Scorsese films? Hold the phone. A Cure for Wellness stars Dane DeHaan as a corporate climber sent to retrieve his boss from an exclusive Swiss sanitarium. No surprise, the operation is a front for devious forces, and our smug protagonist finds himself trapped in an asylum quicker than you can say, “That’s a release form, you idiot!” DeHaan looks (and sounds) like Leonardo DiCaprio and Brad Pitt’s love child here, making it even easier to imagine Wellness as “The Wolf of Shutter Island”. Sadly, Verbinski’s pretty collection of half-measures and homage can’t decide if it’s a monster movie, a lifestyle commentary, or a skin-crawling incest picture.